


Winner Takes It All

by musicalkiddo



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, idk how to tag things so i'm not going to, the rating kicks in @ chapter 9
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-23 17:34:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4885651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicalkiddo/pseuds/musicalkiddo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based off of tumblr user arnohldcunningham's "modern au where Ernst and Hanschen are the top two students and they’re unknowingly competing for valedictorian and Hanschen finds out and decides to seduce Ernst to throw him off right before finals"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hanschen watched Ernst’s face light up as he turned to face Mr. Sonnenstich, who was handing him a graded paper. From the seat behind him, Hanschen was able to see the big red 100% at the top of Ernst’s paper. When he saw his own 99%, Hanschen groaned. Back in second place.

Ernst probably didn’t even realize that they were battling, he was so focused on being nice to people, or whatever it was he spent so much time doing. Since they were freshmen they’d been the top two in their class, but it really mattered now that they were seniors. Hanschen wanted to be valedictorian. He deserved it, of this he was sure. Ernst had a ton of other stuff going for him. He was an amazing artist, student council secretary, Wendla and he were co-presidents of the ecology club, he read to children and the elderly on alternating weekends, and he was the founder of the school’s now prominent GSA. All Hanschen had were his devastating good looks and incredible wit, neither of which would get him into college. And he wanted to go to college.

Leaning forward, he tapped Ernst on the shoulder with his pencil. The taller boy jumped a little in his seat, knocking an eraser off his desk. Hanschen watched as he picked it up and placed it on his desk before turning around to face him, blushing.

“What’s up?” Ernst asked.

“Nice work,” Hanschen nodded towards Ernst’s paper.

“Oh. Um, thanks. I-” before Ernst could finish, the bell rang. For a moment he looked as if he was contemplating saying whatever he was thinking, but he refrained. “See you around.” He quickly packed up his bag and left the classroom, leaving Hanschen alone with his 99.

“He is so smitten,” Thea said, coming up from behind Hanschen and wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Robel?” She nodded smugly. “As if.”

“You don’t see it? The way he looks at you?”

Packing up his bag and standing from his desk, Hanschen scoffed. “Are you crazy?” Thea just stared at him. “There’s no way.”

“Whatever. Did you do the calc problem set?”

“Only the first part, but you can copy what I have.”

“You’re an angel.”

They walked together to the cafeteria and sat at their favorite table near the window. From across the room by the water fountain, Ernst watched the way the sunlight made Hanschen’s golden hair shine as he got out his notebook and handed it over to Thea. He watched as Georg and Otto joined them, as they all ate grapes from one big container placed in the center of the table by Thea, as they pushed buttons on their calculators and laughed, as Hanschen ran his hand through his hair and bit his lip in concentration.

Ilse smacked Ernst with a notebook. “Go talk to him,” she commanded.

Broken out of his spell, Ernst folded his hands and stared down out them. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“If I have to watch you stare at Hanschen Rilow any more I’m gonna vomit.”

“She’s right,” Wendla said, more softly. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“He could have no interest in talking to me.”

“And then you’d get over him. Come on, Ernst. Just do it.” Ernst would trust Wendla with his life, so he decided to trust her on this.

He went over to talk to Hanschen.

“Are you doing the calc?” he asked softly, feeling out of place on the sunny side of the cafeteria. Hanschen wasn’t the most popular guy in school, but he was definitely more popular than shy Ernst. And Ernst wasn’t the only one who thought he was gorgeous, even people who had only ever had negative interactions with the sarcastic boy wanted to sleep with him. He had an intriguing confidence about him that drew people in despite the fact that only a select few actually knew anything personal about him.

Thea choked on a sip of water when she saw Ernst standing behind Hanschen timidly, and she nudged the blond’s arm.

“What?” Hanschen asked, turning around in his seat.

Absolutely mortified, Ernst repeated himself. “Is that the calc homework? Did you guys get number twelve?”

“Nope! We’re actually working on that one right now,” Thea answered for Hanschen, who was looking at Ernst with a concerningly cunning look on his face. “You’re in luck.” She moved over on the bench, making room for Ernst between her and Hanschen. “Sit.”

Dammit. Ernst, who had flown through the problem set with no problem the night before, was now going to have to pretend he didn’t understand number twelve. Also, he could feel Hanschen’s shoulder and leg pressing into him due to their close proximity on the bench, and he was a little bit worried he would actually go insane from the contact.

Ernst survived, barely, by pretending to have a breakthrough a few minutes in and dashing away to “write it all down on his homework” before he lost it. He sat down with his friends, heart pounding, afraid to look back at the table he’d left.

“You did it!” Wendla cheered, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and squeezing him into her side.

“I’m never talking to a boy ever again,” Ernst vowed. “That was awful.”

“As long as you stop talking about them too,” joked Ilse.

The tone was less light at Hanschen’s table, as he leaned in close to his friends. “I’m going to be valedictorian,” he announced, interrupting Georg and Otto’s heated debate on whether green or purple grapes were superior.

“What?” Otto asked, used to Hanschen making conversations about himself. “How do you know? Ernst seemed to really get that calc stuff.”

“He’s in love with me.”

“So?” prompted Georg. “Who isn’t?” There was an awkward pause. “I mean… I’m not! That’s not what I meant. I’m straight. I just mean-”

“I mean he’s like in love with me, and I’m going to use it to bring him down.”

“That seems a little cruel,” Otto mused. “I mean, he’s a really nice guy. Are you sure you should destroy him?”

“He’ll live. If he’s as great as you think it won’t even phase him. And if he’s not… I’ll go to an Ivy.”

“So what exactly is the plan?” Thea inquired.

“Simple,” Hanschen declared, popping a grape into his mouth and turning to face Ernst, who now had his head on Wendla’s shoulder. “I’m going to seduce him.”


	2. Chapter 2

Ernst was sitting in the library during his study hall with his earbuds in like he always did. He was so engrossed in his physics homework he didn’t even notice that a stunning blond boy sat down next to him.

Hanschen had intended to strike up a conversation, but found himself sitting silently, waiting for Ernst to notice him. It became like a game. Two minutes passed, five, ten, and then Ernst softly closed his textbook and looked up. And there was Hanschen.

“Oh my God!” Ernst took out his earbuds. “How long have you been here?”

“A while. I didn’t want to interrupt. After all, valedictorian has to keep his grades up.”

“Am I valedictorian? I thought it was you.”

Ernst wasn’t even keeping track. This would be easier than Hanschen expected.

“That Latin paper pushed you back up.”

Ernst hoped his disappointment didn’t show. That’s why Hanschen had talked to him in class- he saw the grade on the paper and knew what it meant. That was all.

“Well, you still have time to pass me. You know, if you can.”

Hanschen held in a laugh. Was Ernst flirting with him? “We should study together some time,” Hanschen said it casually, but he knew exactly what he was doing. Ernst’s heart practically stopped. “It’s almost weird we never have before, considering we’re really the only ones on each other’s level.”

“That would be cool!” Ernst hated how enthusiastic he sounded. He hated how calm Hanschen seemed, the sleeves of his button down rolled up and then pushed to his elbows, his hair perfectly messed; hated how lame he was in comparison, wearing a solid black t shirt and jeans that were fraying all along the bottom. He felt gangly and weird next to someone so beautiful.

“Great.” Hanschen handed Ernst his cell with a new contact already open. He’d even typed his name. Ernst Robel. Ernst was kind of surprised Hanschen knew his name, even though they’d been in classes together for years, even talked on occasion. He typed in his number slowly, wanting to make sure he didn’t do it wrong. He didn’t want anything to stand between spending time with Hanschen.

When he gave the phone back, Hanschen’s face showed no emotion. “I’ll text you,” he promised, and then he left. That was it. Ernst sunk down in his chair, unsure of how he was supposed to process what had happened to him.

As soon as the bell rang, Ernst practically sprinted to meet Wendla in English class. He told her about what happened, and she had a huge grin on her face the entire time.

“I told you! You guys are totally gonna end up together.”

“It’s just studying, Wendla.”

“Alone? With someone you aren’t even friends with?”

“You study with Melchior all the time and you aren’t together.”

“Because I’m with Ilse. Plus, we are friends. And I’m using him for his brain.”

“Oh God. Do you think Hanschen is using me for my brain?”

“That’s not what I meant. He said himself, you guys are on the same level. If anything, he’s using you for your body.”

Ernst let out a laugh and got a glare from the teacher. He lowered his head in apology.

“What if-” he began in a whisper.

Wendla cut him off. “This’ll be good,” she promised. “It’s just studying. You’re great at studying.” She gestured to a pile of vocab flashcards on his desk as proof. “Don’t worry.” Ernst didn’t look convinced. “I thought you wanted to spend time with him. How else is he going to fall in love with you?” Watching her best friend blush, Wendla made a mental note to destroy Hanschen if he ever hurt him.

In a different classroom, Hanschen was planning just that.

“It’s not mean,” he explained to Thea with a sigh. “The guy’s lonely, I’m basically doing him a favor.”

“You’re using him.”

“Yeah. So?”

“What if he has some tragic backstory about why he works so hard in school?”

“I have a tragic backstory about why I work so hard in school.” Thea knew the way Hanschen’s father treated him, how badly Hanschen longed to go somewhere far away and never look back.

“That’s true.” Thea paused. “Fine. Win valedictorian, I won’t object. Just don’t get me involved, okay? I don’t want to be tied to this when it blows up in your face.”

Hanschen was proud of how many “blowing up in your face” jokes he refrained from making, choosing instead to grin at Thea and turn back to the notes he was supposed to be taking.


	3. Chapter 3

Ernst was going crazy waiting for Hanschen to text him. This, in turn, was driving Ilse and Wendla crazy. Every time they tried to have a moment together, there was Ernst. Calling, texting, showing up at Wendla’s house. He was freaking out.

“Do you think he’s ever going to text me?” he moaned, sprawled out on Wendla’s basement floor.

“It’s only been eight days,” Ilse said, bitterly. She knew exactly how long it’d had been, because that’s how long it had been since she’d gotten anywhere with Wendla.

“He’s probably just making fun of me. He probably hates me. Oh god, do you think he hates me?”

Ilse opened her mouth to retort, but her girlfriend placed a hand on her arm. “He doesn’t hate you, sweetie.”

They finally managed to get Ernst up off the floor and send him home, but as soon as they got back to what they’d been trying to do all week he was back, breathing heavily and pounding on the front door.

Wendla sighed as she let him in. “Stop waiting for him, Ernst. Go home and do-”

“We’re hanging out on Thursday,” he practically yelled. “Studying. We’re studying on Thursday.”

“Oh.” Wendla and Ilse exchanged a look. “Good for you.”

“What should I wear?”

“Who cares?” Ilse groaned. “Go home, Ernst. Just because you have to wait to get lucky doesn’t mean we should have to.” She closed the door, shutting him out.

Ernst did go home. He took every single item of clothing out of his closet and dumped it all on his bed, going through it one thing at a time, trying to find something, anything, that he wouldn’t feel stupid in next to the hottest boy alive.

When his mother entered his room an hour later, it looked like a thousand tornadoes had passed through.

“Ernst?” her voice was full of concern. “What are you doing?”

“Um…” he noticed for the first time the mess he had made. “Donating clothes to charity?”

“Oh!” she sounded pleased. “That’s so nice.” He didn’t answer her, he was holding different shirts up to his chest in the mirror. “Did you finish your homework?”

“Crap.” He hadn’t finished, he still had an English paper to write.

“I’m glad you’re feeling so altruistic, sweetie, but your studies come first.”

“I know, Mom, sorry. I’ll do it right now.”

He waited until his mother left the room to stare at the mess he’d made. If she hadn’t said anything, he would have totally forgotten to write his paper. Ashamed, he shoved all the clothes into his closet and slammed the door, leaving only a green shirt spread on his bed. Wendla always told him green was a good color on him, maybe Hanschen would agree.

After writing his paper, Ernst went to bed early. He couldn’t sleep though, he was tossing and turning, thinking about Hanschen and what might happen on Thursday.

Tuesday passed without event, and then Wednesday. Ernst felt every second tick by, every single thing he did felt like a waste of time. He was going to study with Hanschen Rilow. At his house. Maybe even in his bedroom. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t survive the endeavor.

Hanschen made it a point not to talk to Ernst in school. He texted him on Monday with the time and the place, and that was it. And he knew exactly what it was doing to Ernst, the poor kid. Wednesday at lunch he caught Ernst staring longingly at him no less than five times. Everything was going perfectly.

Ernst took his time at his locker on Thursday. Since Hanschen hadn’t specified exactly what the plan was, Ernst had decided to just walk to his house, but he didn’t want to get there first. He practically screamed when he closed his locker door and saw Hanschen’s face right there.

“Sorry to scare you,” Hanschen laughed.

“Um…” Ernst couldn’t form words. He’d seen Hanschen all day in class, but up close he looked flawless. It took all his strength not to let his jaw drop to the floor.

“You’re still coming over, right?” Ernst simply nodded. “Well?”

“I don’t…” Ernst couldn’t finish the sentence.

“I’ll walk with you, Ernst.” Hanschen talked to him like he was stupid. Ernst felt his soul crumbling. He hated what was happening to him. He took a deep breath and heaved his backpack onto his shoulders.

“Okay, great,” he managed, and then he followed Hanschen out of the school. He didn’t take his eyes off the back of the other boy’s head, but he kept imagining he felt the eyes of other students on them. Walking with Hanschen felt weird, like a dream. And then he started feeling pathetic about how stupid it was to dream about walking with someone, and then before he knew it he bumped into Hanschen, who had stopped walking.

Hanschen chuckled. “We’re here,” he told Ernst, who wished he could smack himself in the face without it looking weird.

The house was gorgeous, and huge. When they walked inside, Ernst felt like he was in a museum.

“Are you hungry?” Hanschen asked. “I can’t cook for shit but we could find something.”

Ernst was so nervous he thought he might never be able to eat again. “I’m fine. Thanks, though.”

“Okay. Cool. Let’s go then.” Hanschen lead Ernst through the intricately decorated living room and up the stairs.

Hanschen’s bedroom was nothing like the rest of the house. It was minimally decorated, and it looked like something out of a magazine for teenagers. Ernst couldn’t believe he was stepping into it. He became acutely aware of the hole in his left sock.

Hanschen dropped his backpack on the floor next to his bed and sat down, stretching his arms up over his head. His v-neck tee lifted up a little, and Ernst caught a glimpse of his stomach. He almost passed out, sitting down next to Hanschen to steady himself.

“Is there a specific subject you want to work on?” the brunette asked.

“I thought maybe Latin. There’s that quiz tomorrow, and you’re obviously quite good at this unit.”

“I’ve been working pretty hard at it.”

Hanschen leaned over to find his notebook in his backpack, and Ernst took the opportunity to compose himself behind Hanschen’s back before digging his own out of his bag.

Hanschen had decided in advance to go easy on Ernst this first time. He didn’t know anything about the other boy, and although he’d been known in the past to go pretty far on a first date, this was only supposed to be a study session. Besides, he really could use help in Latin.

It took Ernst a while, but he started to feel comfortable with working together. Hanschen was being nice to him. Aloof, mysterious, gorgeous Hanschen Rilow was laughing at his crappy jokes and smiling gently when Ernst made a mistake and went back to correct himself. Before he knew it, it was five o’clock and his mom was there to pick him up. When he’d planned this with her it was fine, but now it felt embarrassing that she was there. He’d never gotten around to getting his driver’s license, but he would now definitely be making it a point to do so.

“I guess I’ll see you in class tomorrow,” Hanschen said, watching Ernst’s ass as he bent over his backpack, shoving papers in. 

“I guess so,” Ernst responded. Hanschen walked him to the front door and watched him walk down the driveway and climb into his mom’s minivan. He really wasn’t that bad looking, Hanschen mused. Seducing him might end up being more fun than he’d expected.


	4. Chapter 4

It didn’t take long for the boys to settle into a routine. After Ernst got home and went over every second of the study session with Wendla on the phone, he realized nothing had really gone wrong. So they made plans to meet the next Thursday too.

Hanschen’s presence still scared Ernst at the beginning of the sessions, and their walks to Hanschen’s house were usually silent. But it wasn’t awkward, or at least Ernst didn’t think so. After the stress and chaos of a school day, it was nice to have some quiet time to think.

They discovered they had different strong suits- Ernst was great at Latin and Hanschen could solve any math equation in the world- and so they helped each other. Hanschen had practically forgotten why he was hanging out with Ernst in the first place, he started enjoying their time together. Being with Ernst was easy, it was like having a friend he didn’t have to put on a front for.

Until he was reminded of his original motives.

“Georg got ahold of the class ranks!” Otto panted one Wednesday, running up to the lunch table and handing Hanschen a printed out sheet of paper. Hanschen unfolded it and found himself listed as number two, right under Ernst.

“Guess the plan’s not going too well, huh?” Georg mocked, coming up behind Otto. “What, have you lost your touch? He’s just not that into you?”

“He’s into me,” Hanschen huffed. “I’m trying to be subtle about the whole thing, not that you guys would know anything about that.”

Georg grasped at his chest in mock heartbreak. “I’m just saying, it’s been like four weeks. The Hanschen I know would have fucked the Latin skills right out of him by now.”

Hanschen knew it was true, and he knew it had been his plan to do just that. But something about hearing Georg say it made him seethe with anger. He didn’t want to think it was because he cared about Ernst. “I will. This week, it’s happening. No more friendly study buddy.”

“That’s my guy,” laughed Georg clapping Hanschen on the shoulder.

Hanschen laughed along, but he couldn’t help glancing over at Ernst, who was staring at him dreamily.

***

The next day, while Hanschen and Ernst walked home, Hanschen perfected the details of his plan in his head. At one point he lightly swayed, brushing his hand against Ernst’s ever so slightly in a way that would probably be perceived by the taller boy as accidental. Ernst felt shivers go up his spine. Just because he and Hanschen were becoming friends, if that’s what was happening, didn’t mean he wasn’t still attracted to the blonde.

Hanschen didn’t say anything when Ernst turned to look at him, he just gave a slight smile that Ernst didn’t know how to interpret. Hanschen remembered how easy this plan was going to be, remembered why he chose to do it in the first place. He felt a little queasy.

In past weeks, Hanschen had always offered Ernst something to eat, and Ernst always said no. This week, Hanschen skipped the offer, leading Ernst straight into the kitchen when they entered the house. He opened the fridge and pulled out a bowl of grapes before turning Ernst around to face the stairs and giving him a slight push forward. He followed Ernst upstairs, closing his bedroom door behind him when they entered, something he hadn’t done in past weeks.

Ernst noticed this and felt his breath catch in his throat. He didn’t dare let himself wonder what Hanschen meant by closing them in. Probably nothing.

Hanschen was quieter than normal while they studied, laying on his stomach while popping grapes into his mouth and watching Ernst explain physics problems. At one point he held the bowl of grapes out in front of Ernst, covering his papers. Ernst, mid-sentence, stopped to shake his head. “No thanks.”

“Come on,” Hanschen sat up on his knees. “You’re so skinny, doesn’t your mother feed you?” When Ernst opened his mouth to protest, Hanschen placed a single grape on the other boy’s tongue.

Ernst tried not to let his eyes widen as he closed his mouth around the fruit and chewed it. He’d never really been flirted with, but he’d seen movies. As he swallowed, Hanschen moved closer to him on the bed, bringing the bowl with him. He held out another grape, and Ernst silently opened his mouth to accept it. Hanschen watched him deliberately chew the small sphere, and Ernst watched him watching him. He had goosebumps from being so close to Hanschen, and he had no idea what was going on.

Hanschen put the bowl down behind him. He put his hand on Ernst’s cheek. He put his lips on Ernst’s. It was clear to Hanschen that this was the other boy’s first kiss, a fact about which he refused to allow himself to feel guilty.

When Hanschen pulled back to survey Ernst’s reaction, Ernst shivered a little. “Oh, God,” he whispered, eyes still closed.

Hanschen refrained from saying “I know,” instead choosing to pull Ernst back in for another kiss, this one deeper. Ernst let his arms wrap around Hanschen’s neck, and Hanschen had both hands on Ernst’s cheeks now, holding his face in place.

It wasn’t bad, as far as kissing goes. Hanschen tried to gently steer Ernst towards proper etiquette, gently pushing his tongue onto first lips and then the other boy’s tongue, feeling Ernst melt into his body.

Ernst was so invested in the kiss that he didn’t hear the car horn honk outside. He actually whimpered when Hanschen pulled away, which would have been embarrassing if he couldn’t still feel the pressure on his lips, if the back of Hanschen’s hair wasn’t all messed up from Ernst’s fingers.

“You should go,” Hanschen whispered, close enough that Ernst could feel his breath on his flushed cheeks.

“Yeah.” Ernst didn’t move.

Hanschen stood first, holding out a hand to the seated boy. “I’ll walk you out,” he prompted.

Ernst grabbed his hand and shakily stood up. He subconsciously licked his lips. Hanschen tried not to stare. He opened his bedroom door and lead Ernst down the stairs, pausing before pulling the big front door open.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he purred, squeezing Ernst’s hand lightly before letting go.

“See you,” was all Ernst could manage to squeak before running out the door and into his mom’s waiting car.

After closing the door, Hanschen spent a moment standing there with his forehead pressed against the wood, eyes closed. Then he turned abruptly and went upstairs to finish the physics homework that had been interrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a fun time writing this so if you're interested you can send me prompts/ideas/head cannons/anything on tumblr (musicalkiddo.tumblr.com) and I'll work on it! (I'm open for pretty much anything, although I'm not sure I'd be any good at writing smut but if it's a great prompt I'd be willing to try)


	5. Chapter 5

Ernst couldn’t stop adding details to his story when he recounted the kiss to Wendla and Ilse.  “Did I mention he fed me grapes?” Ernst asked them in first period on Friday.

“Yeah,” Wendla answered softly.

“Oh.  Well, did I tell you that I actually knew what I was doing?  Like, we were kissing kissing.”

“You’ve told us all of this,” Ilse reassured him.  “I’m sure it was lovely.”

“It was so good,” Ernst sighed dreamily, turning back to doodling in his notebook.  He couldn’t wait to see Hanschen in a few hours, to look at his hair, his hands, his lips…

So what if Hanschen was yet to actually acknowledge having any feelings for Ernst?  Ernst felt something in that kiss, and he was over the moon happy for the first time in his life.

So happy that not even a pop quiz in physics could kill his mood.  He was tragically unprepared, his physics work cut short yesterday by something far more important, but it didn’t matter.  He was too busy remembering Hanschen’s hands on his face, Hanschen’s tongue in his mouth, Hanschen’s knees pressed into his….

When the bell rang he’d only answered half the questions on his quiz, but he was on his way to Latin, and he turned in the partially blank paper happily, knowing he was only seconds away from Hanschen.

The short blonde didn’t say anything to Ernst when he sauntered into the classroom, but he gave him a small smile, and Ernst felt his heart flutter.

He was, again, unable to focus in class.  He tried to corner Hanschen when the bell rang, but he wasn’t fast enough, and Hanschen strolled away with Thea, leaving Ernst behind wordlessly.

Ernst didn’t tell his friends about Hanschen’s behavior, and he didn’t try to do anything stupid like sit with Hanschen at lunch.  While he’d be thrilled to hold Hanschen’s hand and scream off rooftops about him, they’d only kissed.  He was naive but he wasn’t an idiot.  He had no way of knowing if Hanschen wanted anything else from him, much less a relationship.  It was still possible the whole thing was a joke anyway.

Ernst was shocked when Hanschen was waiting at his locker after school.

“Do you want to come over?”

“It’s not Thursday,” was all Ernst could manage.

“That’s okay.”  So Ernst went over.

“You don’t mind if we don’t study, do you?” Hanschen asked, dropping his bag on the floor next to his bed.  “It’s the weekend.”

“I would love that.  Not studying, I mean.”

“So what do you want to do?” Hanschen looked at Ernst, waiting for him to answer, knowing the other boy would have nothing to say.  It was a cruel question.

“Um, I, we could, um…”

“We could watch a movie?” Hanschen provided.

“Yeah!  Yeah.  Sure.”  Ernst was blushing, and he felt like a moron.  When Hanschen sat with his back against the headboard leaving half the bed open, Ernst didn’t follow.  He stood in the doorway and watched Hanschen pull his laptop out of his backpack.

“Are you coming?” he asked.

Ernst walked over and copied Hanschen’s position, stretching his legs out on the bed.  Hanschen opened Netflix and the wrapped an arm around Ernst’s shoulders.

“You don’t mind, do you?  It’s just more comfortable, if we’re gonna be sitting so close.”

“It’s fine,” Ernst answered quietly.  He was kind of surprised when Hanschen selected an indie film that Ernst loved.  It was weird and artsy, and he’d kind of assumed that he was the only living person who had ever seen it.  He didn’t expect anyone else to like it, least of all Hanschen, who grinned when Ernst voiced these thoughts.

“Come on,” he laughed, “you think that poorly of me?”  He hadn’t seen the movie.  Hadn’t even heard of it, in fact, until Ernst did a presentation on it in class the year before.  He wasn’t sure why the title had stuck in his head, but he remembered Ernst’s eyes lighting up when he talked about it.

“I don’t think poorly of you,” Ernst said softly, unaware of all this, and then he did something really daring.  He kissed Hanschen on the cheek.

As the movie started playing on his screen, Hanschen tried to keep himself from smiling too hard.  He moved the laptop so that half of it rested on his leg and half on Ernst’s, and he squeezed the other boy a tiny bit tighter.

Despite the gorgeous guy pressed against him, Ernst managed to lose himself in the movie like he did every time, and by the end he’d almost forgotten where he was and who he was with.  So he was a little confused when Hanschen kissed him softly while the credits rolled.  Usually he watched the credits, soothed by the slow rolling of names and the songs that played, but he figured he’d make an exception, turning his face towards Hanschen’s and kissing back.

He was pretty sure a second makeout session was the determining factor in whether or not something was a cruel joke, so he was thrilled with the afternoon’s apparent outcome.

After they’d been kissing for a while, Ernst could hear Hanschen’s phone buzzing from the other side of the bed.  He was receiving text after text.

“Do you want to check that?” Ernst finally asked, when the phone buzzed a seventh time.

Hanschen didn’t.  He hadn’t told his friends that he was inviting Ernst over.  In fact, he’d only decided during his last few classes of the day.  He knew the first text was Thea asking him to hang out, and the rest were Thea being angry that he wasn’t texting back.  Loyalty was a big deal to her.

He pulled his phone out anyway, unwinding his legs from Ernst’s and reading Thea’s scathing texts.  Ernst tried to pretend he wasn’t reading over Hanschen’s shoulder as he shot back **_‘I’m with Ernst.  Leave me alone.’_**

 ** _‘You’re blowing me off for him?’_  ** Before Hanschen could text her back, she was calling him.  He gave Ernst a sympathetic look and then picked up the phone, bracing himself to be in trouble.

“What’s up?” he asked, purposefully adding cheer to his voice.

“You’re supposed to be here hate-watching reality shows right now.”

“Shit.”  She was right, they had plans.  “Shit, okay.  I’m on my way.”

He slid the phone back in his pocket.  “I’m sorry about this.  Can I drive you home?”

“You drive?” Ernst asked, confused.  “Why do you always walk to school?”

“Because I hate driving.  I feel so out of control behind the wheel.  Like everyone else on the road is inside their own head, you know?” Hanschen had never really told anybody this.  “I hate that feeling, I get all anxious.  Walking is… I don’t know.  Peaceful.  I like to be in control of my surroundings.”

Ernst wanted to say “you’re in control of me,” but he didn’t, instead choosing, “You don’t have to drive me if you don’t want to.”

“It’s not a big deal.  You live on Maple, right?  You’re right by Thea’s house.”

“But if you’re uncomfortable…”

“Maybe you’ll calm me down.”  Hanschen said this seriously, but then he laughed, shaking his head a little.  “Whatever,” he groaned, climbing over Ernst to get off the bed.  “Let’s go, Thea is gonna murder me.  I’m already so late.”

Ernst kept a close eye on Hanschen in the car.  Like he’d said he would be, he seemed tense.  He gripped the steering wheel a little too tightly, and he visibly flinched when other cars passed him.  It didn’t take long to get to Ernst’s house though, and Hanschen pulled into the driveway with ease.

Ernst considered trying to kiss Hanschen goodbye, but the other boy’s fingers were tapping at the wheel and Ernst could hear his phone buzzing unchecked in his pocket, so he thanked Hanschen for the ride and stepped out of the car.  While he fumbled with his key at the front door, Hanschen backed out of the driveway quickly, and he was out of sight before Ernst made it inside.


	6. Chapter 6

When Ernst walked into Latin on Monday, Hanschen was sitting in the seat next to his.  Moritz, the seat’s usual owner, was standing in front of the desk, saying something to Hanschen.

“Bullshit.  You don’t wear glasses,” Ernst heard Moritz arguing when he walked over.  “I have to sit up here, man, come on.  It’s my seat.”

“It’s just for a while,” Hanschen responded.

“Don’t be an asshole, okay?  If you want to sit closer switch with Marianna, she’s dying to get out of the first row.  Mr. Sonnenstich freaks her out.”

“I don’t want to sit closer.  I want to sit here.”

“What’s going on?” Ernst interrupted, sitting down next to Hanschen.

“What’s going on is that Hanschen’s trying to steal my seat.”

Ernst didn’t know which side to take.  Moritz was in his art class, and he was really nice, if a little awkward to talk to.  He also struggled in school and probably sat up close as a means of making it easier for him to process information.  On the other hand, this meant that Hanschen wanted to sit next to him…

“I’m sure it’ll just be a few days,” Ernst told Moritz.  “Besides, his seat isn’t even that far back, it shouldn’t make that much of a difference.”  He felt awful about it, but Hanschen folded his arms across his chest and shot him a satisfied grin.

Ernst had a hard time focusing in class, both because Hanschen had his pen between his amazing lips the entire time he wasn’t writing notes down, and because he could hear Moritz whispering angrily to his friend Martha.

He tried to get out of class quickly when the bell rang, but his pencils spilled out of his bag and onto the floor, and Martha was waiting for him by the door by the time he’d cleaned them up.  He didn’t know much about her, other than that she always wore her hair in braids.  He knew her home life was pretty rough because he’d heard Moritz talking about it, but he’d never really talked to her, and he had no idea why she’d even want to talk to him.

“I heard you’re kind of with Hanschen now,” she said softly, her eyes full of concern.

“Wow, um, rumors travel fast, huh?” Ernst responded, feeling himself blush.  How did she know already?

“So it’s true?”

“I mean we kind of, like, hooked up?  But it’s no big deal.  It’s not official or anything, it just happened.”  He tried to play the whole thing off as chill when, in reality, his internal monologue had been screaming about it since Thursday.

“You should be careful.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry!  I don’t mean to come off as a creep or anything.  It’s just, that guy’s kind of bad news.”

“I appreciate the input, but I don’t think it’s any of your business who I hook up with,” Ernst snapped.  He couldn’t believe this girl, practically a stranger, thought she had any right to say who he went out with.  Not that they were going out.  Who he… saw.  If that’s what they were doing.  The details were unclear to Ernst, but whatever it was, it was none of her business.

“I’m trying to look out for you.  You seem like a nice guy, okay, and Rilow just isn’t.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”  Ernst knew he could leave if he wanted to, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t becoming a tiny bit curious.

“You don’t have to take my advice, obviously.  I have stories that might convince you though, if you’re interested?”

“Well,” Ernst huffed, making up his mind, “I’m not.”  He turned away from Martha and went to lunch, where he told his friends about the new seating arrangement, neglecting to mention Martha’s warning.

Ten minutes before lunch ended, Ernst saw Hanschen stand up out of the corner of his eye.  He waited in Ernst’s line of vision for a moment, staring towards the door, and then swiftly left the cafeteria.  Ernst said a hasty goodbye to his friends, who were arguing over an English assignment, and followed Hanschen out.

He searched and searched for the blonde, but couldn’t find him.  Was it possible he hadn’t been implying anything?  Maybe he paused because he was listening to someone finish a story or ask him a question or something.  Ernst felt like an idiot wandering the empty halls, even more so when he realized he’d been searching a bathroom when the bell rang and he was late to class.  When he arrived, his teacher glared at him and wrote something down in her gradebook.  Probably subtracting participation points from his grade.

****

The lunch table was unusually quiet when Hanschen sat down a few days later, a fact that concerned him.  He ate his lunch silently for a few minutes before Georg finally spoke up.

“Okay,” he said.  “What gives?”

“What are you talking about?” Hanschen asked, swallowing a bite of apple.

“You and Ernst have been going at it for like a week, right?”  Hanschen nodded.  “So why is his GPA still .15 higher than yours?  Your plan is failing, and you have to keep making out with an art geek.”

“That’s it!” Hanschen exclaimed, grabbing the class ranks Georg had been holding and looking down at the sheet.

“What’s it?” Thea asked, confused, glancing among their friends.

“Art!  Ernst is in AP Studio Art, so his A in there counts for more than my A in regular band.  So he’s ahead of me.”

“So that’s the grade you need to go after.  Stop with the Latin obsession.”  Hanschen didn’t tell them that he had been so focused on Latin because he liked to hear Ernst pronounce the words carefully, to watch them roll of his tongue.  He was good with his tongue, and learning fast.

“I guess I will.” He handed the paper back to Georg and returned to his apple, preoccupied with scheming.

That day after school, Hanschen took his tongue out of Ernst’s mouth to ask him a question.  “How come you never talk about being an artist and shit?”

“Um,” Ernst laughed, “because it’s boring?”

“It’s who you are though.”  He pecked Ernst on the lips and scooted closer.  “Tell me something about it.”

“Okay, well, um…. oh!  We’re doing self portraits tomorrow!  We did them at the beginning of the year, so we’re making new ones to see, like, how our work has grown.  I know I’m so much stronger as an artist than I was a few months ago, and I have a lot more confidence in my stuff, so I’m pretty excited about it actually.  We use mirrors and everything, and we get to use whatever medium we want to, so I get to use my watercolors, which is pretty cool since we’ve been working with charcoal.”  He paused and noticed Hanschen was watching him intently.  “I’m sorry, I know this isn’t super interesting.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Hanschen murmured, and he meant it.  He’d never seen Ernst so excited or eloquent about anything.  Also, the little speech had given a great sabotage plan.  Ernst would be a good artist whether or not he got a perfect grade in AP Art, and knowing that made Hanschen feel better.  Before Ernst could respond to him, he was kissing him again, moving his lips across the other boy’s cheek, and then his jaw, and then sucking on his neck, listening to the practically melodic moans and whimpers coming from his victim, and remembering his first hickey.

He’d hooked up with a guy from their rival high school in his freshman year, and although he couldn’t remember his name Hanschen definitely remembered how he felt in school the next Monday, wearing his shirt buttoned all the way up to the collar and running his fingers over the bruise constantly.  Hopefully a similar mark would distract the crap out of Ernst.

Strategically placed right in the center of his neck, the plan was for the hickey to take center stage in Ernst’s portrait tomorrow and lower his grade enough to get him back as number two.

When Hanschen was satisfied with his work he returned to Ernst’s lips, silencing his moans.  He sent him home before long, however, because he had a physics problem set to get done and he wanted to focus, knowing Ernst would do nothing but distract him.   Once the tall boy was safely out the door, Hanschen texted Thea, Otto, and Georg in a group chat. **“Stage One of Mission Van Gogh Away Complete.”** Georg had come up with the name and insisted they use it.

Only Thea texted back, and all she sent was thumbs up emoji.  Hanschen turned off his phone and settled down to complete his homework, putting all thoughts of Ernst’s soft, smooth neck out of his head.  Or, at least, most thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Georg says "you guys have been going at it for like a week" he means like the romantic stuff, they've been hanging out longer than that. i just wanna clarify that bc it confused me when I reread it lol.
> 
> as always, I'd love to hear from you!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very brief alcohol mention and, like, harassment? Only for a second though.

Hanschen got an A- on the physics problems, because no matter how hard he’d tried he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about a different kind of friction.  The only thing that made him feel better about this was seeing Ernst with his hickey.  The stupid kid hadn’t even tried to cover it up, and Hanschen noticed his fingers brushing over from time to time throughout the day.  He didn’t see Ernst after school because he had plans with Otto, but he kind of figured it was better that way, for the plan.  He probably wouldn’t have the heart to pretend to be upset about the ruined self portrait anyway.

Only, when the two boys finally met up on Sunday, he found out it hadn’t been ruined at all.

They’d been kissing for a while when Hanschen acted like a thought had suddenly popped into his head.  “Oh!  I almost forgot.  How’d your self portrait go?”

“It was amazing!” Ernst grinned.  “One of the best pieces I’ve ever done, Mrs. Grater loved it.”

“That’s great,” Hanschen told him through his teeth.  “No pun intended.”

Ernst nodded, and then he put his hand over his pocket where his phone was.  “Do you want to see it?”

“I’d love to.”

“It’s kind of apt,” Ernst explained, typing his passcode in and opening his photos, “because you kind of inspired it.”

And then Hanschen was looking at the most gorgeous work of art he’d ever seen.

It was Ernst, looking free and happy and light, done in blues and purples, just like a bruise.  But it wasn’t sad.  Somehow the tragic tones mixed together to create something better than that, and when mixed with the serene smile on Ernst’s lips, the whole thing practically radiated joy and beauty, even through the phone.  “The title of the piece is _Your Bruise,_ ” Ernst told him softly, watching Hanschen’s face take in the painting.

“Is that how you think of me?” Hanschen asked quietly and carefully, handing Ernst’s phone back.

Ernst laughed lightly in response, gesturing to the mark on his neck.  “I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”

“It’s absolutely gorgeous,” Hanschen told him.  He meant the painting, but he also kind of meant the bruise.  Ernst didn’t ask for clarification.

“The only bad thing that came out of it was my grade on my math quiz,” was what he said instead.

“What are you talking about?”

“I was so excited about this piece that I planned it out instead of checking my work on the quiz, and I ended up losing points for claiming that zero is equal to five,” he laughed, but Hanschen could tell he was upset.  It felt unfair that he could read Ernst’s emotions like a picture book but he himself was a total mystery to everyone.  Social Darwinism, he figured, placing a comforting hand on Ernst’s knee.  At least one of them would survive.

“It was worth it.  That painting is amazing.”

“That means a lot, actually.  Thank you.”

Hanschen said you’re welcome with a kiss.  He was also saying “I mean it” and “I’m sorry,” but Ernst didn’t pick up on either of those.   Maybe that was for the best.

**Mission Vanquish Van Gogh successful, but on a fluke** , Hanschen texted his friends after Ernst went home.   **Back to the drawing board.**

When Hanschen closed his eyes to go to sleep that night, all he could see behind his eyelids was _Your Bruise_.  The piece was hauntingly beautiful, especially with the ironic context Hanschen viewed it with.  Ernst had no idea what Hanschen had in store for him.  He certainly didn’t deserve it.  He deserved someone who could appreciate his art for its beauty only, and not its tragic foreshadowing.  Someone good.  But Hanschen deserved things too.  He deserved to get into Harvard and get far away from the man whose blood ran ice cold through his own veins, who haunted his nightmares.  It wasn’t his fault he was the one who was willing to do something about it.

 

****

 

When Hanschen sat down at lunch the next day, tired from thinking all night, Otto and Georg applauded him.

“Did I do it?” he asked, grabbing the new class ranks from his friends.  “Yes!” He was in first, ahead of Ernst by .02.

“Now you just have to keep it up.  Midterms are in three weeks, maybe if you meet his mom, ask him to prom…” Hanschen shoved Thea lightly, laughing.

“How is loverboy?” asked Otto.  “Is he driving you crazy yet?”

“Nah,” Hanschen said lightly, “he’s fine.”

“He’s like putty in your hands, eh?” asked Georg.

“Basically.  It’s almost sad, actually.”  Hanschen almost believed this.  There was something sad about the relationship, it just wasn’t really Ernst.

“You are not allowed to chicken out of this now, bro.  You have come _so far_.  Follow through, I’m expecting a valedictorian speech for the ages.”  Georg had been trying to write jokes for Hanschen’s speech since he first decided to take Ernst down, but Hanschen refused to even read most of them.

“And you’ll get one,” Hanschen promised, gesturing towards the class ranks.  “I’ve got this.”

 

On the other side of the cafeteria, Ernst was also having a talk he would have rather skipped.  Martha had approached him in class again, begged him to hear her out.  The whole thing felt weird to him, and she only asked that he listened…

“Fine,” Ernst had huffed.  “But I want to go to lunch.”

So Martha sat with him.  Moritz found them too and sat down, and that prevented it from being awkward, since Ernst considered Moritz a friend far more than Martha.

Ilse and Wendla shot Ernst confused looks when the two newcomers sat down, but he didn’t know how to explain it.  He just shrugged at them.

“I kind of had a thing with Hanschen,” Martha finally said, breaking their silence.  “Sophomore year.  I was going through some… rough stuff at home,” she paused here, and Moritz put a comforting hand on her arm, “and Hanschen was there for me.  I thought he was there for me.”  She paused, staring down at her tightly intertwined fingers.  “But then he wasn’t.  He and his friends all got drunk at this party we were at, and he’d told them all about all the stuff I’d confided in him about, and they all laughed at me about it.  And he laughed too, and then he tried to, um, I don’t know, like, pressure me, and then he got really mad when I left the party, and then he kind of dropped me like we’d never even known each other.”

Ernst felt like he was going to throw up.  He could feel Hanschen’s eyes on him and Martha from across the room.

“I’m so sorry,” he said to her softly.

“I mean, I’m over it now.  I’m happy, you know?” she and Moritz exchanged smiles, and he dislodged her hands from each other so he could hold one is his own.  How had Ernst not noticed they were together?  “I just thought you deserved to know.  Maybe he’s changed, I don’t know, but he’s capable of real bullshit.”  Ernst could feel himself close to tears. Wendla put her hand on his arm and looked at Ilse, trying to figure out if she was supposed to do something.  Ilse just shrugged at her.

Ernst looked to Hanschen as if the blonde boy could confirm or deny this story from all the way across the room, but averted his eyes when he felt his gaze returned.

What was he supposed to do now?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has mentions of alcohol (including underage drinking.)

If there was one thing Ernst was good at, it was avoiding conflict.  Growing up shy meant he was used to people cutting him in lunch lines or cheating off his tests or putting their names on his work for group projects, and he was very good at letting to roll off his back.  It was certainly easier than confronting them and saying something.  So even though he was crazy about Hanschen and his body craved the other boy’s touch, Ernst managed to stay away from him for almost four days after Martha told him her story.  He wanted desperately to know what had happened that caused Hanschen to be such an asshole, and if he had similar plans for Ernst.  He was afraid, however that he’d be too gullible about it.  That Hanschen would smile his stupid hot smile and say all the right things and Ernst would believe him because he wanted to be loved so badly.

So he didn’t go to his locker or turn on his phone, and he ate lunch in the library with Moritz who usually spent the period cramming or writing notes.  But the school was only so big, and he couldn’t hide forever.  He was on his way out of the building on Friday when he heard the familiar voice call his name.  He froze in place and shut his eyes.   _Stay strong_ , he told himself.

“What’s going on with you?” asked Hanschen.  With two weeks left until midterms, he and Ernst were neck and neck, tied for first.  Now was not the time for the plan to fail.  Also, he was worried about the fact that Ernst seemed mad at him.

“Martha Bessell told me what you did to her.”

“What?” Hanschen knew exactly what Ernst was talking about.  “What are you talking about?” He wanted to know how much the other boy, who was balling his hands into fists, knew.

“She told me that you betrayed her and bullied her and harassed her.  And I believe her.”  Hanschen didn’t say anything.  It kind of looked like he was about to cry.  “Well?  Is it true?”

“Yeah,” the blonde said softly, unable to look Ernst in the eye.  “It happened.”

“That’s what I thought.”  Ernst spun around and started walking away rapidly.

“Ernst, wait!  Let me explain!” Hanschen called, but it was too late.  He didn’t follow after the taller boy, letting him stomp away.

Hanschen couldn’t focus on anything that afternoon.  He cancelled his plans with Thea and lay on his bed, facing the ceiling, unmoving.  He’d known for years that what he did to Martha was awful, but he’d always felt secure in his justification of it.  But now, knowing he’d pushed Ernst away… he hated himself.  He hated that he couldn’t text Ernst and invite him over to hang out.  Most of all, he hated that he gave a single damn what measly Ernst Robel thought of him.  What had he become?

He wanted to scream.  He needed Ernst to know what happened between him and Martha.  Screw the grades, screw valedictorian, he needed Ernst to approve of him.

Making a snap decision, he grabbed his car keys and left the house.

He didn’t know what he was going to say to Ernst.  The story behind his actions was long and complicated, and even though he was stronger than Ernst, the other boy was angry and could probably force Hanschen out of his house in thirty seconds.  So he didn’t have much time.

He was so busy planning his story that he didn’t notice someone backing out of Ernst’s neighbor’s driveway until they hit the side of his car and sped away.  Hanschen, terrified, slammed on the brakes, but not before hitting Ernst’s mailbox off the post.  He turned the car off and sat there, shocked petrified.

Ernst, having heard the crash from inside, went outside to see what was going on.  When he recognized Hanschen’s car, he ran over.  He kicked the mailbox away and climbed into the passenger seat.

Hanschen looked unharmed, but Ernst could see he was crying.

“Hey,” Ernst said softly, tentatively reaching out to put his hand on Hanschen’s shoulder.  Hanschen pulled away from his touch.  “It’s okay.”

Hanschen didn’t want Ernst to see what a mess he was.  He folded his arms on the steering wheel and put his head down on them, and Ernst could see his shoulders heaving with sobs.  He wished there was something he could do, but Hanschen didn’t want to be touched and he couldn’t find words to make the other boy feel better.

When Hanschen’s crying finally stopped, he wiped his eyes and sat up, sniffling.

“What happened?” Ernst asked.

“Nothing.”  Hanschen sniffled again and turned the key, starting the car.  Ernst placed his hand over Hanschen’s, which was shaking.

“Hey.”

Hanschen turned the car off again.  “I got in a really bad accident the first time I drove.”  He took a deep breath.  “I was ten, and my dad took me to some party with all his bigshot lawyer friends.  He got really drunk, like, _really_ drunk, and him and this other guy got in a fight about nothing, so he kicked us out of the party.  My dad had always treated me pretty bad, being rough on me about school and soccer and being a man and stuff.  So he saw this as, like, a learning opportunity.  He was smart enough not to drive drunk, but he was dumb enough to put me behind the wheel.”

“He made you drive?”

“Yeah.  It would have been cool, right?  Like a great story to tell my friends.  But I was ten, you know, and it was already a few hours past my bedtime and he was fucking wasted, and I had no idea what I was doing.  I could hardly see past the steering wheel, I mean, I’m short now but you should have seen me then.  I wrapped us right around a tree.”

Ernst let out a small gasp, but Hanschen was somewhere else, probably that night, in his head, and he didn’t even notice.   “That’s what this scar is from,” he pulled his shirt away from his shoulder.  “A huge piece of glass went right into me.  I was knocked out, too, but there wasn’t any, like, permanent damage.  Almost but…” he didn’t finish the thought.  “My dad, though, got knocked up pretty bad.  He’s, um… He lost one of his arms because of the airbag and the glass and… I mean, he blames me.  Because I did it.”  Ernst wanted to tell Hanschen that it wasn’t his fault, but he didn’t want to interrupt.  He rubbed a circle on Hanschen’s hand with his thumb.

“So then cut five years ahead, and I’m a sophomore, and my dad still hasn’t gotten a job so he’s just, like, _around_ all the time, on my back about shit.  And I’m dating this girl, and I really like her, and she has a fucked up dad too, so I feel really connected to her.  But my dad finds out about her, and he gets pissed.  Because she’s gonna ‘distract me,’ and he needs me to get a good job one day so I can take care of him because I ruined his chances to take care of himself.  And I fight him about it, because she means so much to me.  And then he hits me, and it’s like, that’s it.  Conversation over.  Only, I’m too much of a fucking idiot to just tell the girl.  Because her home life is shit too, right?  So she’d understand.  But it sounds like a copout in my head, and I don’t want to miss her.  So I go to this party, and I bring her with me, even though I know she won’t like it.  Hell, I knew I wouldn’t even like it.  But we go.

“I didn’t have a plan, but I knew if I could just make her hate me that would do it.  It was selfish, because I was only thinking about avoiding my own heartbreak.  There was a keg, and these senior guys convinced me to drink.  At first I wasn’t really into it, you know, but I’m just like my dad.  So the beer made me really stupid, and then I got mad at him, at my dad.  But he wasn’t there, and I didn’t want anyone to know what he did, so I started spewing shit about her dad instead, because it felt safer.  And then there was my plan, there was how I’d make her hate me.

“But I hated me too, so much.  And I already wanted her back, and I was wasted, so I tried to get her to do some stuff she didn’t want to.  I honestly don’t have any solid memories of that part, but it was awful, Ernst.  I was awful.”  Some of his words were muffled by the tears he was still crying.

“And, um, it worked.  Because she hated- she hates- me.  So I saved her from my dad.  Or I saved myself, I guess.  But that’s what happened, Ernst, I swear.  I didn’t… I didn’t want to hurt her.  I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

Ernst believed him.  He unbuckled the other boy’s seatbelt and pulled him into his chest, letting him cry.  Obviously it still wasn’t okay for him to have done what he did.  Ernst knew that.  But he could yell at him later, because feeling him heave sobs into his t shirt felt like he was punishing himself for it already.

After a few minutes, Ernst planted a gentle kiss to the top of Hanschen’s head.  “Can we go inside?” he asked.

Hanschen pulled away and nodded, wiping his face with his sleeve.  Ernst met him outside the car and held his hand on the way up the driveway, guiding him towards the couch when they got inside.  Hanschen had never been inside Ernst’s house before, he realized.  It was nice, it felt like a home.  He sat alone while Ernst made all kinds of noises in the kitchen before returning with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate.

“I hope you like marshmallows,” he said shyly, as if Hanschen wasn’t the one with something to be embarrassed about.  “This is my ultimate comfort food.”

“Thank you,” Hanschen sniffled, wrapping his fingers around the mug Ernst handed him and taking a sip.  He was right, it was comforting.  “Sorry for… all this.”

“I like seeing the real you.  I’m sorry things are so bad.”

“It’s better now, kind of.  I mean, Dad still sucks.  But he found a job so he’s not always home.  I just want to get into a really good college so I can get away from him.  Send him checks from my house in Europe or something one day and never have to see him again.”  Ernst wanted to kiss the sadness away, but he wasn’t sure that was a good move, so he just gripped his hot chocolate tighter.

“I can understand if you hate me,” Hanschen said sadly.  “I haven’t forgiven myself for what I did to Martha, I don’t expect you to.”

“I don’t hate you.”  It was true, even if he didn’t want it to be.  “You’re right that what you did was awful, but you know that, and even though it’s partially your fault it’s your dad’s fault too.  I care about you, Hanschen.”

It was then that Hanschen realized it would probably be better for poor Ernst if he did hate him.  Because midterms were two weeks away and Hanschen was in way over his head relationship-wise.  There was no way to spare Ernst now, he had to see the damn thing through.  He wished Ernst didn’t have to be collateral damage in his path to success, but he couldn’t see a way out.

“I care about you too,” he found himself saying.  “I’m sorry you had to find out about Martha like this.  I’m sorry that it happened, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”  Ernst pulled the blonde towards him and he curled up like a cat at his side, happy to share the other boy’s warmth after the afternoon’s traumatic events.

He should have been home organizing his midterm study guides, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave Ernst’s house, even though there was nothing good on tv and his hot chocolate had gotten cold, even though Ernst’s mom came home and was on a loud phone call in the kitchen.  He realized, tucked into the taller boy’s side, there was nowhere he’d rather be.   _Shit_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this isn't getting weird, I didn't plan anything out before I started writing so the plot is feeling a little improvised and :/. My apologies if you notice this.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets NSFW so if that kinda thing bothers you, read at your own risk.

“How are you feeling, midterm wise?” Moritz asked Ernst in art the day after Hanschen’s confession. “I’ve been studying for over a week already and I’m just like… fucked. I’ll be lucky if I pass.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Ernst encouraged. He’d almost forgotten how soon midterms were in the midst of the I Have A Boyfriend high he’d been riding.

“Easy for you to say. You’re second in our class.”

“Don’t be so negative, Moritz, come on.” His kindness was distracted, he was thinking about how Moritz’s comment meant Hanschen had gotten himself back into first place. They’d been so close all year, up and down practically every week. Midterms was it though. Whichever of them did better on the exams, which each counted for 25% of their class grade, would get the spot. There wouldn’t be enough points in the second semester to save a lower grade. Ernst knew his mom would be proud if he won, and he’d be proud of himself too. But he didn’t love the idea of giving a speech in front of the whole graduating class and all their parents. He decided just to do his best. He’d study as much as he felt was necessary, but he wouldn’t stress himself out too much.

And the necessary amount of studying was becoming lower and lower when all he wanted to do was see Hanschen. And when Hanschen wanted to do a little more than just see him.

He’d discussed it with Thea and Otto, knowing Georg would be unable to handle the conversation.

“I just think it’s the next logical step,” he explained to them.

“You can’t get him to stay into you for two more weeks without sucking his dick?” Thea asked bluntly.

“I mean, I could. But it’s not like giving head is the worst thing. And I’m not getting it anywhere else so it’s worth it on the chance he returns the favor.”

“I mean, who are we to tell you not to do it?” Otto asked. “I say go for it.”

“I guess he’s right,” Thea conceded.

So a few days after crashing his car into Ernst’s mailbox and crying into his shoulder, Hanschen was kissing the same shoulder, now shirtless, making his way down the boy’s lanky body. 

He could hear Ernst’s heavy breathing above him as he kissed all over his soft stomach and rubbed his denim-clad thighs.

“Can I?” he asked, moving his fingers to Ernst’s waistband.

“Shit.” Ernst knew this was going to happen eventually. “Yeah! I mean, yeah, absolutely.” There was a lot of talk about Hanschen Rilow, but he didn’t know how much he’d actually done. It couldn’t be less than Ernst though, and he really hoped he wouldn’t embarrass himself completely. 

Hanschen slowly unbuttoned his jeans and moved them down his legs. Ernst felt exposed in only his underwear, with the boy straddling him and leaning down to kiss him still wearing his pants. The kiss was intense, and Ernst could feel it in his stomach and his rapidly hardening dick. He shuddered when Hanschen pulled away and moved himself back down Ernst’s body. Afraid to watch, he closed his eyes and raised his hips so the gorgeous boy could remove his underwear. He felt a terrifying nothing, and opened his eyes. Hanschen was still, staring at him with a look on his face Ernst couldn’t quite place. Mortified, Ernst tried to sit up.

Before he could make it, Hanschen’s hands were at his hips and he was swallowing him down.

Ernst bit his tongue to keep from letting out a sound so loud the neighbors would hear it. Hanschen had no qualms. His entire shaft was surrounded by the warmth of his mouth, and he was moving his tongue around in just the right way, and Ernst was positive he was in heaven. He moaned, burying his hands in Hanschen’s soft hair. He would have bucked his hips Hanschen hadn’t been holding him down, so he settled for scrunching up his fingers and curling his toes.

He wanted to die when Hanschen pulled off with a truly obscene popping sound, but it was only seconds until he felt the warm mouth again, planting kisses and licking in just the right places.

“Hanschen…” Ernst moaned as he was enveloped again. “I can’t…” Hanschen pulled his mouth off and wrapped his hand around Ernst’s slick shaft, pumping rapidly. Ernst, biting hard on his bottom lip, came. Hanschen didn’t stop moving up and down, and when Ernst gazed down at him he saw the blonde lick his lips. He almost got hard again watching Hanschen finish him, probably would have if he wasn’t so spent. Hanschen grabbed his shirt off the floor, something Ernst didn’t think happened in real life, and wiped off his hand and then Ernst’s stomach.

He hadn’t spoken yet and Ernst, feeling very exposed and vulnerable, got worried. He didn’t know what to say. Was he supposed to thank Hanschen? Offer to return the favor? Tell him how fucking beautiful he looked, hair messy and lips swollen?

He was saved by Hanschen’s mouth on his own. He thought he was going to die, he’d never felt so good. He turned his head a little so he was able to breathlessly say, “That was amazing,” against Hanschen’s cheek.

Hanschen laughed, resting their foreheads together.

“Why are you laughing?” Ernst asked softly.

“You’re just so cute.” Hanschen kissed the tip of Ernst’s nose. It felt foreign and weird, but it made the other boy grin his adorable grin, so he was glad he did it.

“Should I… um…” Ernst gestured towards the bulge in Hanschen’s pants.

“You don’t have to. I should probably go over some formulas for calc tonight anyway.”

Ernst didn’t want to discuss school, especially not while he was still naked.

“Oh,” was all he said. He brought Hanschen’s face back to his own, but the blonde broke the kiss after only a few seconds.

“You should probably get going.” He climbed off the bed and handed Ernst his underwear. He put them on slowly.

“Did I like… do something?” Ernst asked cautiously. He didn’t know why he was being rushed out.

Hanschen knew Ernst was coming up with a hundred different scenarios in his head, but he didn’t want to tell him how much it freaked him out that he wanted to fall asleep next to him.

“Don’t worry about it. I just need to get some studying in tonight, that’s it.”

“If you say so.” Ernst didn’t seem convinced as he pulled on his pants. Hanschen, sitting on the edge of the bed, pulled Ernst towards him by the belt loops until he was between his legs. Resting his chin on Ernst’s stomach, he looked up.

“You were fine. It was good. Midterms are just soon, okay?”

“Okay.” Ernst finished getting dressed and Hanschen walked him out.

“Do you need a ride?” Hanschen asked. He hadn’t driven since the accident, and his car was in the shop, but he could take his mom’s if he needed to.

“No, I’m gonna walk.”

“Are you sure?”

Ernst’s hand found Hanschen’s and he squeezed. “Yeah. It’ll clear my head.”

“Oh?” Hanschen kissed Ernst. “Is something distracting you?”

Ernst laughed into the kiss before pushing Hanschen away with his hands flat on his chest. “Fuck you.”

“One day,” Hanschen answered, winking and closing the front door between them.

He felt the same flutter in his heart that Ernst was feeling on the other side.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW, just fyi.

With only a week and half left until midterms, Hanschen was starting to get a little worried. Not that he’d ever admit it to anyone, but he’d been spending far more time plotting, or thinking, about Ernst than he had actually preparing for the exams. Some of the calculus stuff his teacher was trying to review felt more like Chinese than English, and there were still a thousand physics practice problems he hadn’t even looked at. His stupid sabotage plan was no good if he didn’t even get good grades on the tests. So he’d resigned himself to the life of a hermit, shutting himself in his room with a few good playlists and his books until midterms. No social life, no plans, no friends. Just him and a few million multiple choice problems.

It worked great until Saturday night, when Ernst showed up at his door with grocery bags.

“What are you doing here?” Hanschen asked when he saw the boy, suddenly feeling gross in his sweatpants and t-shirt.

“I thought you could use a break.” Ernst held up his bags. “These are heavy, can I put them down?”

“Um, sure.” Hanschen opened the door so Ernst could step inside, and he dashed to the kitchen to drop his bags on the table. “What did you bring me?” Hanschen asked, following Ernst cautiously and sliding up behind him to plant a kiss on the side of his neck.

“Lots of stuff!” Ernst tried to pretend the kiss didn’t make him want to melt. “I have chocolate, and ice cream, and a few DVDs that looked good, and Oreos, and grapes because I know you like to be healthy sometimes.” And because that was what we were eating the first time you kissed me.

“You really want to kill me, huh?”

“No! I just don’t want you to kill yourself studying. I haven’t seen you in days.”

“I didn’t realize my presence meant so much to you.” It was a lie, dropped casually as he strolled forward to rifle through Ernst’s gifts.

Ernst was getting better at Hanschen’s game. “I mean… parts of you certainly do,” he joked, wrapping his arms around Hanschen’s neck.

“I see.” Hanschen spun around so they were face to face. “This sweet as sugar thing was all a facade to get into my pants?” Ernst just smiled and leaned forward to kiss Hanschen, who pushed back with urgency. He had been working awfully hard… Maybe he did deserve this break.

Ernst pulled away far too soon. “The ice cream is gonna melt,” he warned.

Hanschen groaned and pulled the tubs out of the bags. “Shall we?” he asked. Ernst nodded, and Hanschen found two spoons. The boys sat down next to each other at the kitchen table and dug in.

Ernst had chosen good flavors, and Hanschen lost himself in the treat. Until he saw a dribble of chocolate peanut butter on Ernst’s lip, one that the boy seemed oblivious to. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward slowly, from watching Ernst’s eyes close, from kissing him gently and tasting the ice cream on his mouth, tongue dashing out just for a second.

“You are so dangerous,” Hanschen murmured.

“What?” Ernst’s entire face fell with concern, and he pulled away. “What’s wrong?”

“No, I didn’t mean…” Hanschen paused. “I have to study.” He wished he could just tell Ernst why they were even together, tell him about the plan. But it was too late, he was in too deep.

“Do you want me to leave?” Ernst understood where Hanschen was coming from, with his dad and everything, but it didn’t stop the sadness from seeping into his voice. He couldn’t figure out if Hanschen actually liked him anywhere near as much as he liked Hanschen.

He should have said yes. He should have packed up the grocery bags and sent Ernst away, heartbroken and distracted. “No.”

Ernst grinned. “Should we watch a movie or something then? I tried to pick ones that aren’t on Netflix, for variety.”

“Sure.” Hanschen put the lids on the ice cream and stuck the tubs in the freezer, shoving everything else back in the bags. “Let’s go upstairs, my mom will be home soon.”

Ernst followed, very familiar with the path by now. Hanschen closed the door behind them and set the bags down on his bed. “I don’t know if any of the movies are even gonna be good, I wasn’t really sure what you liked. I tried to get different kinds but some of them looked weird so I wasn’t sure, and then I thought maybe we’d have different taste and I should avoid the ones that I-” Hanschen kissed him to stop the rambling. After he pulled away, he reached down into the bag, eyes still closed, and selected a movie.

“Perfect,” he announced, checking the title. He’d never heard of it, but it didn’t matter. He had better plans for Ernst than paying close attention to the screen anyway. He popped it into his laptop regardless, settling down on his bed. Ernst joined him, less hesitant than the last time they did this, and they settled the computer and the food between them. Hanschen quickly ripped open the Oreos, selecting one and twisting the cookies apart before scraping the icing out with his teeth. Ernst watched with his breath held, thinking about the other things Hanschen did with his mouth when they were together in this bed. He took a cookie of his own in an attempt to shift his focus.

The movie turned out to be boring, some cheesy romantic comedy with no substantial characters. It took Hanschen all of five minutes of bad dialogue to lift up the laptop and put it on his nightstand in order to roll onto Ernst and kiss him. They made out for a while, content to let the movie be background noise, crushing the package of Oreos between their tangled legs.

Ernst could feel Hanschen getting hard, something which thrilled him. It amazed him that he could have that effect on anyone, especially Hanschen.

“Can I maybe repay that favor now?” he asked Hanschen softly, a hand on the blonde’s leg, not quite touching the bulge in his pants.

Hanschen looked down at Ernst, his eyes big and hopeful, and laughed. He didn’t answer, just rolled them over so he was on his back and Ernst was on top of him. The Oreos fell to the floor.

“I’ve never done this,” Ernst mentioned, yanking off Hanschen’s pants. He was glad Hanschen hadn’t chosen today to wear skintight jeans, the sweatpants came right off. 

Hanschen’s answer was muffled as he took off his shirt. “That’s okay.”

“But like…” Ernst looked down at Hanschen in only his underwear. “I don’t exactly know what I’m doing.”

Hanschen put a hand on Ernst’s arm. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I don’t, like, expect anything from you.” He looked a little scared, and Ernst remembered the story about what had happened with Martha.

“No! No, I want to do this. A lot. I’m just… I’m afraid I’ll be bad. That you won’t like it.” Hanschen had been so confident when he went down on Ernst, so skilled. Ernst didn’t want to fuck up.

Hanschen laughed, sitting up to kiss Ernst quickly. “Short of biting my dick off, there is very little you could do that would make me not enjoy a blowjob.”

Ernst blushed, but it made him feel better. “In that case…” he pushed Hanschen back down onto the pillows, and Hanschen grinned, crossing his arms behind his head to give him a better angle to watch from.

Ernst removed Hanschen’s underwear gently and slowly, as though he was still afraid of what was hidden beneath. And he was, kind of. He’d never even seen someone else’s dick in real life, much less touched one, much less sucked one. But he wanted to make Hanschen feel good.

He lowered his head slowly, and then he was doing it. He was giving head, and to Hanschen fucking Rilow no less. If Hanschen’s moans were any indication of skill, Ernst got the hang of it pretty quickly. He moved up and down like Hanschen had, looking up at the blonde as he sucked. Hanschen had his eyes closed, and his lips were parted in pleasure. Ernst was incredibly proud.

His pride, and arousal, increased when Hanschen said his name, let it melt of his lips like honey. “I’m close,” he moaned. Ernst, always an overachiever, made a rash decision. “Ernst,” Hanschen repeated softly. But Ernst kept going, swallowing down Hanschen’s orgasm as the boy writhed and moaned beneath him.

He pulled off with a smile, wiping the corner of his mouth. Hanschen still had his eyes closed, and Ernst froze. Confidence gone again, he was unsure of what to do. He decided to kiss Hanschen and hope for the best. Hanschen kissed back, pressing their bodies together. Ernst was painfully hard.

“I thought you hadn’t done that before,” Hanschen said softly against Ernst’s mouth.

Ernst laughed. “I hadn’t.”

“Well you could have fooled me.” Hanschen slid a hand into Ernst pants and the dark haired boy felt his toes curl against his will. He inhaled sharply as Hanschen adjusted himself, moving his hand inside Ernst’s underwear to stroke him, slowly at first and then faster. He returned to the kiss, sliding his tongue inside Ernst’s mouth as he pumped. Ernst came into his hand with a moan.

Hanschen wiped his hand off with tissues, which he tossed perfectly into the trashcan. Ernst rolled his eyes.

He didn’t mean to look at the clock. He never wanted the moment they were in to end, especially not so soon. But it was late, and his mom was only willing to pick him up after a certain time. “I should probably… I have to leave.”

“Or…” Hanschen kissed him. “You could sleep over?” He seemed nervous, which he was. It took far more courage for him to invite Ernst to spend the night than it did to jerk him off, even to give him head. To Hanschen, this sort of meant something. Sharing a bed, waking up together? It was more than just sexual gratification.

“Here?” Ernst asked, which made Hanschen laugh and erased some of his fear. He settled down on his side, face to face with Ernst.

“Unless there’s somewhere else you’d rather go?”

“No! I mean, no. That would be fun. Let me just text my mom.” He sat up and fished his phone out of his back pocket, typing out a message that he hoped would get a yes. He considered just saying he was staying at Wendla’s, but felt bad lying. After all, his mom didn’t even know he and Haschen were more than just friends. Or at least he thought she didn’t.

“Well?” Hanschen asked when Ernst’s phone buzzed with a response.

Ernst’s face turned red as he read the text. “She says to be safe.” He neglected to mention the winky emoji.

“Great.” The movie had ended while they were busy, and the screen had gone black. Hanschen stood up, still naked, and walked over to his dresser to grab a pair of clean underwear and pull them on. “Do you want to change?” he asked, eyeing the jeans he’d just hand his hand inside. He assumed they were a little sticky.

“Um, yeah. I guess so.” Hanschen tossed him a pair of boxers. Ernst waited until he leaned down over another drawer to yank off his pants and change, suddenly shy. Hanschen found two pairs of pajama pants and a clean t-shirt and got dressed before giving Ernst pants to put on. Once they were both clothed again, Hanschen picked up the package of Oreos off the floor. He ate one before offering the package to Ernst, who laughed at the casuality of the gesture. As if they hadn’t just both gotten off, as if they were just hanging out.

They ended up in bed together again, this time under the blanket and fully clothed, Ernst curled up against Hanschen’s side with his head on the other boy’s shoulder. They talked a little bit, sharing stories about their childhoods, but both were finding it increasingly difficult to stay awake after the evening they’d had. They fell asleep like that, wrapped together, breathing in sync.

Hanschen freaked out a little when he woke up with a weight heavy across his chest, but it was just Ernst’s arm, flung over him at some point during the night. He kissed Ernst awake, grinning at the confusion on his face as he opened his eyes and blinked at the light.

“Good morning,” he laughed when Ernst sat up with a start. He had every intention of sending Ernst home so he could get back to studying, but then he heard him speak.

“Hi.” His voice was rough with sleep, and Hanschen changed his mind about making him leave. In fact, he rather wanted him to stay. He could study tomorrow, couldn’t he? Besides, he still had a whole week. Everything would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am hoping to only have like 2 more chapters of this fic. I've kinda lost the love for it I had when I started tbh, and it's just kinda dragging on at this point. I'm in too far to quit though, so I'll keep writing through the end. The smut in the past 2 chapters has honestly just been killing time while I try to figure out where I want the story to go lol.
> 
> Regardless, I hope you enjoy.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner Takes It All is finally back! Now with more angst and drama than ever...

When Ernst finally left, after an embarrassing amount of goodbye kisses, Hanschen cracked open his physics notebook.  He’d lost all of Saturday night and most of Sunday morning, which put him way behind on his studying schedule.  If he didn’t work nonstop all day he’d have to sacrifice time on at least one subject, and he wasn’t in a strong enough place to do that.  Before Ernst showed up the night before, Hanschen had calculated the grades he needed on all his exams to keep his GPA where he wanted it, and the results were a little scary.  Within thirty minutes of kissing Ernst goodbye for the last time, Hanschen found himself slamming his head against his notebook in frustration.

 

***

Ernst, meanwhile, was taking studying a little less seriously.  He couldn’t stop smiling when he thought about spending the night in Hanschen’s bed, and Ilse, who had roped him into helping her understand calculus, could barely stand it.

“You know,” Ilse told him, yanking some math notes out of his hands, “if I’d known you didn’t care about school now that you have a boyfriend I’d have gotten Melchior to help me.”

“No you wouldn’t have,” Ernst argued, trying to focus.  “You hate Melchior.”

“That’s not important.  Come on, Ernst!  I just need a 78% on this exam, okay?  Just teach me about derivatives, it makes so much more sense when you do it.”

Ernst sighed and picked up a pencil, determined to put Hanschen out of his head.  Even if he didn’t need the studying for himself, Ilse deserved it.  He knew how stressful the semester had been for her, and he didn’t want to let her down.

“Okay,” he said, pulling the notes back to his side of the table, “let’s talk chain rule.”

 

***

Hanschen stayed up until two in the morning making himself a study guide for English.  He went to bed only because he was physically unable to keep his eyes open any longer, but he wasn’t entirely satisfied with the work he’d gotten done.  As he lay in bed drifting off, he found himself wishing he had a time machine so he could prevent this from ever happening.  If he hadn’t been such an asshole about Ernst when Thea told him the boy had feelings, if he had trusted his own drive and intelligence to get him what he wanted, if he’d refused to get behind the wheel of his dad’s car when he was ten and hadn’t put every egg he had in the far-away-college basket.

As he dragged himself around his room getting ready on Monday morning, Hanschen wondered if he should tell his friends what was going on.  He wanted to, but it was the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to him.

His plan had backfired, and the thing that was supposed to happen to Ernst was happening to him.   _He_ was the one developing serious feelings, and _he_ was the one whose grades were suffering.  Ernst seemed perfectly happy and healthy, and he was totally miserable.

He decided to tell only Thea.  She was more likely to understand than Georg or Otto, and less likely to mock him.  Not that she _wouldn’t_ mock him, but at least he’d know it was out of love.

He was glad to find his first period teacher was absent, and their substitute gave them a blessed free period.  Hanschen leaned in close to Thea and took a deep breathe.  “I have to tell you something.”

Thea’s eyes widened.  “Ooh! What’s up?”

“It’s Ernst.”

“What about him?  Is he actually straight?”

Hanschen laughed.  “No, he’s… he’s really not straight.”

“So?” Thea prompted, inching closer.  “Spill.”

“So, we’ve been hanging out a lot.  And I’ve been, like, getting to know him.  And it turns out he’s not really that bad to hang out with.  And it turns out… It turns out I sorta like him.”

Thea leaned back in her chair.  “Oh my god.”  She crossed her arms.  “You’re in love with him.”

“No!” Hanschen said quickly, “No.  I am _not_ in love with him.  I just don’t really want to destroy him that much anymore.  I’d rather just date him.”

“Holy fucking shit.  Hanschen Rilow is _whipped_!”

“Shut up!” he smacked his best friend’s arm.  “I don’t know what to do.”

“I hate to break it to you, but you’re kind of already dating him.”

“No, I’m brainwashing him.”

“How good in the sack are you?”

Hanschen smacked her again, and she yelped and pulled away.  “I’m serious.  What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“The boy already thinks you’re dating.  He doesn’t know you were trying to completely ruin him.  So if you just convince yourself too, it becomes the truth.”

“Do I have to let him get valedictorian?” Hanschen groaned.

Thea laughed.  “There’s the Hanschen I know and love.”  He grinned at her.  “You should still win.  I mean, you didn’t put all this work to come in second and lose Harvard to an art student.”

“He’s actually really good, you know, at art-”

“Hanschen.”

“Sorry.  What?”

“Are you gonna stick to the plan?”

“Yes.  I can be his boyfriend and still beat him for first.  He doesn’t even want it anyway, not really.  He has so much else going for him.  And his mom would probably be happy if he ended up selling art under a bridge, as long as he’s happy.  She’s really nice.”

“You’ve met his mom?” Thea laughed.  “You really are whipped.”

“No, I’m not.  At least not yet.”

“Give it a week?” Thea asked.

“Give it a week,” he agreed.  “I can still destroy him.  And then I’ll let him wrap me around his little finger and do whatever he wants with me.”

“I get the feeling you’ve been letting him do that anyway,” Thea giggled.

“Gross.”

“Did you do the physics?” Thea asked, and the Ernst talk was over.  Hanschen found his notebook and handed it to his best friend, who started meticulously checking her answers against his.  They didn’t speak again until the bell rang.

On Hanschen’s way out of the classroom, Moritz slammed his shoulder against his, knocking his books onto the floor.  Hanschen rolled his eyes as the tired-looking boy stomped away without looking back.

 

***

Ernst was confused when he got to the cafeteria later and found Moritz and Martha sitting at his table, waiting for him with Wendla and Ilse.  He braced himself, because the last time they all sat together Martha had told him the story of what Hanschen did to her.  

Ernst was starting to really like Hanschen, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle bad news.  Not with midterms coming up and the fact that he spent the entire morning daydreaming about Hanschen’s cock, with a binder in his lap to keep the content of his fantasies a secret.

Moritz kept his eyes lowered when he spoke.  “I have to tell you something kind of awful.  It’s about Hanschen.”

Ernst sighed.  He hated being right.  “Look, I don’t know if I want to hear this.  I mean, I know Hanschen’s fucked up in the past.  And I know he hurt you, Martha, and it’s obviously not okay.  But I like him, and he likes me, and I’d rather not focus on what he used to be like, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I get that.”  Moritz started peeling an orange, and Martha looked at Ernst.

“This isn’t about the past,” she said.  “Tell him what happened, Moritz.”

“Maybe it’s best just to leave it alone.”

“Tell us!” Wendla urged.  “Come on.”

“Okay.  Okay.  So, I sit right by Hanschen in first period, and today he was talking to that girl Thea.  And, um, he said he really likes you a lot.”

Ernst grinned.  “Really?”  The thought of bad news flew out of his mind when he heard that.  He really liked Hanschen too.

“Yeah, but, um, that’s not it.  Because he really likes you _now_ , but there was also talk of like… this thing.”

Ernst didn’t say anything, so Ilse spoke up.  “What are you talking about?”

“I guess he was only pretending to date you so that he could beat you out for valedictorian.”

Ernst tried not to let his eyes wander to Hanschen, sitting on the other side of the massive room.  He tried to look at Moritz.  He tried not to throw up.

“You said…” Ernst took a shaky breathe.  “I thought he liked me.”

“He does, now.  I could tell that he really does like you.  But he wants to destroy you.  His words, not mine!”

“ _Destroy_ me?  That sounds a little dramatic.”  Ernst didn’t want it to be true.  It couldn’t be true.

“I’m so sorry,” Wendla said softly.  She glanced at Hanschen, head bent over a textbook, totally oblivious.

“No.  No way.  Look, guys, I told you that I understand what Hanschen did in the past.  But there’s no way this is true.  It’s really fucked up for you to try to ruin our happiness just because you don’t like him.”

“I’m not making this up!”  Moritz abandoned his orange.  “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Well, I don’t buy it.  He’s been helping me study.  We’ve been helping each other.  He likes me.”

“Look, I tried to help you, okay?  So my hands are clean of this, it’s not gonna be on me when that asshole breaks your heart and ruins your chances of getting into the top schools.”

Moritz stood up, and Martha followed his lead.  They walked away together, leaving Ernst with his best friends.  Neither girl said anything, they just looked at him.

“It’s not true,” he said softly.  “It can’t be true.”

“Maybe you should just ask him,” Wendla suggested.  “That way you’ll know for sure.”

“It can’t be true,” Ernst repeated, shaking his head.

Ilse and Wendla exchanged a look, pity in their eyes.

“Go talk to him,” Ilse urged.

“No.  I can’t do it here.”

“Why not?” Wendla asked.

“Because if it’s true I don’t know I’ll be able to stop myself from freaking out.  And I don’t want to do that in public.”

“Ernst-”

“No.  Don’t try to comfort me.  He’s the only person who has ever expressed any interest in me.  I completely let myself go around him.  I’m pretty sure I was falling in love with him.  And if it turns out he was using me… I don’t know what I’ll do.  I honestly just… I just need to be in private when I ask him.  I don’t want people to see us.”

“I understand,” Wendla said soothingly.

“You are going to confront him though, right?”  Ernst didn’t answer, and Ilse sighed.  “You can’t let him get away with this, sweetie.  You’re amazing, and you need to be with someone who’s treating you right.”

“That’s the thing,” Ernst said softly, blinking his eyes to hold back tears, “I really thought I was.”

And then, for the first time that day, he allowed himself to look over at Hanschen.  And, for the first time, the other boy was looking back.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been ages since I updated this fic, but I had a lot going on. I'm hoping to finish it before its one year anniversary, but don't hold me to anything.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so I'd love to get feedback! You can post it here or shoot me a message over at musicalkiddo.tumblr.com!


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